英文已如此搞笑，翻译却更加残暴
[b]引导语：[/b]It’s not the fall that kills you，it’s the sudden stop at the end。跳楼的时候，“啊——”的时候还没死，“啪！”那才是死了。[attach]8699[/attach]
1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
[size=14px] [/size]开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。于是老子偷了一辆然后求上帝宽恕。
[size=14px] [/size]2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
[size=14px] [/size]我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一样死法啊！
[size=14px] [/size]3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
[size=14px] [/size]你永远不能战胜一个纯SB，因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你。
[size=14px] [/size]4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
[size=14px] [/size]直译：在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
[size=14px] [/size]a：我真不想伤害你，但你也别逼我。
[size=14px] [/size]b：吾虽不杀伯仁，伯仁由我而死。
[size=14px] [/size]5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
[size=14px] [/size]a. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞。
[size=14px] [/size]b. 若XXOO是下体的痛，那么，是你操错。
[size=14px] [/size]6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
[size=14px] [/size]a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！
[size=14px] [/size]b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
[size=14px] [/size]7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
[size=14px] [/size]在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
[size=14px] [/size]8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
[size=14px] [/size]XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。
[size=14px] [/size]9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
[size=14px] [/size]有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去还是很有喜感。
[size=14px] [/size]10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
[size=14px] [/size]政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏了！！
[size=14px] [/size]11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
[size=14px] [/size]战争不能决出正义，但能判出哪方出局。
[size=14px] [/size]12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
[size=14px] [/size]a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的！
[size=14px] [/size]b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情；男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
[size=14px] [/size]13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
[size=14px] [/size]我们永远不可能真正的成熟，我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
[size=14px] [/size]14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
[size=14px] [/size]男人就两种状态：饿和性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！
[size=14px] [/size]15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unl you hear them speak.
[size=14px] [/size]光总是比声音跑的快点，这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B。
[size=14px] [/size]16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
[size=14px] [/size]我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
[size=14px] [/size]17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
[size=14px] [/size]曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。
[size=14px] [/size]18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
[size=14px] [/size]你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~
[size=14px] [/size]19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
[size=14px] [/size]XXOO并不是结论而是个问题，爽不爽才是答案。
[size=14px] [/size]20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
[size=14px] [/size]晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头，再告诉你你为什么好不了。
[size=14px] [/size]21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a wholebox to start a campfire?
[size=14px] [/size]直译：一根火柴能点着整片森林，一盒火柴也生不起个营火，这咋回事！
[size=14px] [/size]意译：想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕，看今朝叔竟然去看男科
22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦，那剩下1/5咋回事？很享受吗？
23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
直译：知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果；智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
a：知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子，智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个篮子。
b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后，但智慧的mp告诉你这终还是男女有别~
24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
上帝瞅着咱们呢，大伙好歹喜感点吧！
25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on thesame night.
无论，在任何情况下，永远，不要在一个夜晚，同时吃，安眠药，和通便灵。
26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
[size=14px] [/size]老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端，不是为了成为一个素食者。
[size=14px] [/size]27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
[size=14px] [/size]公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
[size=14px] [/size]28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
[size=14px] [/size]要是我听你的，咱俩就都2B了。
[size=14px] [/size]29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
[size=14px] [/size]海豚可聪明了你知道不？只要驯养几个星期，它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
了。
[size=14px] [/size]30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
[size=14px] [/size]a. 下棋，我不行；玩跆拳道，电脑不行！
[size=14px] [/size]b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转，拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散！
[size=14px] [/size]31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
[size=14px] [/size]瞅见个姐姐，胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句：“...隆过？”
[size=14px] [/size]32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walkand talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
[size=14px] [/size]孩子就是：你先花2年，教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
[size=14px] [/size]33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
[size=14px] [/size]为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑，却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”？
[size=14px] [/size]34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
[size=14px] [/size]a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜，也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
b. 越解释越SB，不说话最NB。
c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释。
d. mp里德话说就是：宁可闭口被人当SB，也不张口解释所有疑。
[size=14px] [/size]35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
[size=14px] [/size]银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
[size=14px] [/size]36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
[size=14px] [/size]a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧，别人都在这么做。
[size=14px] [/size]b. 你有什么不开心的？说出来给大家开心开心。
[size=14px] [/size]37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
[size=14px] [/size]a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天，但那些话真TM有用！
[size=14px] [/size]b.我幻想的低吟不一定是真的，但足够让我意淫。
[size=14px] [/size]38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
[size=14px] [/size]a. 无愧于心哈？记性不好吧？
[size=14px] [/size]b.自从那次在人妖身边醒来，每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
[size=14px] [/size]c. 意识清醒了，意味着不堪回首了。
[size=14px] [/size]39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
[size=14px] [/size]a. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女。
[size=14px] [/size]b. 想立牌坊就得会装。
[size=14px] [/size]40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
[size=14px] [/size]临危忽然微笑的那谁，定是找到替罪羊鸟。
[size=14px][size=14px] [/size]41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street witha bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
[size=14px] [/size]如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等。
[size=14px] [/size]42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
[size=14px] [/size]小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
[size=14px] [/size]43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
[size=14px] [/size]圣诞老人当然美，他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊！
[size=14px] [/size]44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
[size=14px] [/size]剽窃一个人的叫剽窃，剽窃许多人的叫研究。
[size=14px] [/size]窃钩者诛，窃国者为诸侯。
[size=14px] [/size]45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
[size=14px] [/size]有些人一来大家就开心了；有些人一走大家就开心了。.
[size=14px] [/size]46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
[size=14px] [/size]我发现，我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时，我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨叫声是一样滴。
[size=14px] [/size]47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
[size=14px] [/size]直译：你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人，肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
[size=14px] [/size]意译：灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
[size=14px] [/size]48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
[size=14px] [/size]我可没怨你！我是在谴责你！
[size=14px] [/size]49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
[size=14px] [/size]当我填表的时候，有一项是“紧急情况联系：” 我填上了“医生”，到时候我妈能帮上什么忙？！
50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
[size=14px] [/size]上帝一定倍儿爱SB，不然他造这么多！[/size]
[size=14px][/size]
[size=14px][size=14px] [/size][b]编后语：[/b]Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were。好客就是：让客人觉得他们像在他们家一样，尽管你真的希望他们滚回他们家。[/size] very good **** 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽 **** **** 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽 **** :qq76]embarrass :pig3) some of re not suitable for minors :pig3) :qq49] fun good sentences
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