Maintaining Workplace Insanity
Maintaining
Workplace Insanity
<p>Page yourself over the intercom (Don't disguise your voice)</p>
<p>Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits</p>
<p>Always wear them one day after your boss does</p>
<p>Make up nicknames for co-workers; refer to them only by these names:</p>
<p>"That's a good point, Sparky" or "No I'm sorry, Cherry"</p>
<p>Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing:</p>
<p>For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom"</p>
<p>"Hi-lite" your shoes</p>
<p>Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this</p>
<p>While sitting at your desk,</p>
<p>soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid</p>
<p>Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle</p>
<p>Have a portable CD player with steel drum recordings</p>
<p>Put a chair facing a printer</p>
<p>Sit there for hours & tell people you're waiting for your document</p>
<p>Arrive at a meeting late, say you didn't have time to eat;</p>
<p>During the meeting, eat five entire raw potatoes.</p>
<p>Insist that your e-mail address be:</p>
<p>zena_goddess_of_fire or zeus_god_most_powerful @companyname.com</p>
<p>Every time someone asks you to do something,</p>
<p>ask them if they want fries with that</p>
<p>Get into an e-mail debate with yourself over a company policy</p>
<p>Forward the mail to a co-worker & ask him/her to settle the disagreement</p>
<p>Encourage your colleagues to relax with you --</p>
<p>suggest synchronized chair dancing</p>
<p>Put your garbage can on your desk --</p>
<p>Label it IN</p>
<p>Determine how many cups of coffee is too many</p>
<p>Thru trial and error</p>
<p>Develop an unnatural fear of staplers --</p>
<p>Demand they all be chained to the desks</p>
<p>Decorate with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge --</p>
<p>Insist that they are your children</p>
<p>Wear a mask and snorkel</p>
<p>If you have a fish tank, see how many you can catch</p>
<p>Send e-mail messages saying free food in the lunchroom,</p>
<p>when people complain there was none, say "Oh you've gotta be faster"</p>
<p>Put decaef in the coffeemaker for three weeks --</p>
<p>After everyone is over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso</p>
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