The New Priest
The New Priest
<p style="text-indent: 33">A new priest at his first mass was so nervous that he could hardly speak. after mass
he asked the monsignor how he had done. the monsignor replied, "when i am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, i put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if
i start to get nervous i take a sip." so the next sunday he took the monsignor's advice. at the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. he proceeded to
talk up a storm. upon return to his office after mass he found the following note on his door:
<p style="text-indent: 33">1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">2) There are 10 commandments, not 12</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">3) There are 12 disciples, not 10</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">6) We do not refer to jesus christ as the late j.c.</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">7) The father, son and holy ghost are not referred to as daddy, junior and spook</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">8) David slew goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">9) When david was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">10) We do not refer to the cross as the big T</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">11) When jesus broke the bread at the last supper, he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body," he did not say "Eat me"</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">12) The virgin mary is not referred to as the "mary with the cherry"</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God"</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">14) Next sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy</p>
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