The College Food Chain
The College
Food Chain
<p style="text-indent: 33">The Dean</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">Leaps tall buildings in a single bound. Is more powerful than a locomotive. Is faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on water. Gives policy to God.</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">The Department Head</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">Leaps short buildings in a single bound. Is more powerful than a switch engine. Is just as fast as a speeding bullet. Talks with God.</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">Professor</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds. Is almost as powerful as a switch engine. Is faster than a speeding BB. Walks on
water in an indoor swimming pool. Talks with God if a special request is honored.</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">Associate Professor</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">Barely clears a quonset hut. Loses tug of war with a locomotive. Can fire a speeding bullet. Swims well. Is occasionally addressed by God.</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">Assistant Professor</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings. Is run over by locomotives. Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting
self-injury. Treads water. Talks to animals.</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">Instructor</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">Climbs walls continually. Rides the rails. Plays Russian Roulette. Walks on thin ice. Prays a lot.</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">Graduate Student</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">Runs into buildings. Recognizes locomotives two out of three times. Is not issued ammunition. Can stay afloat with a life jacket. Talks to walls.</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">Undergraduate Student</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings. Says "Look at the choo-choo". Wets himself with a water pistol. Plays in mud puddles.
Mumbles to himself.</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">Department Secretary</p>
<p style="text-indent: 33">Lifts buildings and walks under them. Kicks locomotives off the tracks. Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them. Freezes water with a
single glance. She IS God.</p>
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