英语幽默精选
妈妈最美(The Most Beautiful Mommy)One night, my seven-year-old son, Tom, and I were scanning the TV listings for something to watch.
“Oh, there’s a beauty contest on,” I said. Tom asked me what a beauty contest was, and I explained that it was a contest to choose the most beautiful woman in the world.
Then my son thrilled me by asking with complete sincerity, “Why aren’t you in the contest, Mommy?You are the most beautiful woman in the world.
一天晚上，我和七岁的儿子汤姆正在搜索电视台列表打算找些节目来看。
“喔，在播选美比赛啊”我说。于是汤姆问我什么是“选美比赛”。我解释说，选美比赛就是选出世界上最漂亮的女人的比赛。
当时儿子便真挚地问我：“妈妈为什么没去参加那个比赛呢？你才是这个世界上最漂亮的女人啊!”
还能活40年（Another 40 Years to live）
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."
一名中年妇女心脏病突发被送到了医院， 在手术台上，濒临死亡之际，她看到了上帝， 于是，她问上帝是不是她的日子到头了。 上帝回答说，“还没有，你还能活43年，2个月零8天。” 身体快要康复的时候，这名女士想到自己还要活那么多年，得好好对待自己，于是决定先不出院，而是去给自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然后还做了一个腹部拉皮和其它一些美容美体手术。 她甚至还请人到医院里面帮她头发给染了。 做完最后一个手术，这位女士出院了， 但就在过马路的时候，她被一辆风驰电挚赶回医院的救护车给撞死了。 再一次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地问上帝，“我记得你说我还能再活40年？” 上帝回答，“那个时候我没认出你来”。
死而复生的兔子(Rabbit Resurrected From The Dead)
This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbors pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbors house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.
一天一个人下班回家，发现他的狗嘴里叼着邻居的宠物兔。兔子死了，这个人很惊慌。他想邻居一定会责备他的。于是他打扫了现场，把兔子拖进屋，给它洗了个澡，吹干兔毛。再把兔子放回邻居家的兔笼，希望他们以为兔子是自然死亡的。
A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, Did you hear that Fluffy died? The guy stammers and says, Um...no...um...what happened?. The neighbor replies, We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!
几天后，邻居在外面问这个人，“你知道Fluffy死了吗？”这个人觉得很尴尬，假装清白说到：“嗯，呃，没有，怎么了？”邻居说，“我们有一天发现它死在笼子里了。但奇怪的是，在我们埋葬它的第二天，有人把它挖出来了，洗了个澡，又放回了它的笼子。这附近一定有一个很神经的人。 1 I agree that mother is the most beautiful woman in the world. she has done a lot for us.
2 value your life. you may lose your life tomorrow. who can predict future ? nobody
3 don't try to cheat anybody. lying is not a good habit. :qq82][b]回复 [url=http://bbs.tingroom.com/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=394123&ptid=185305]2#[/url] [i]李武军[/i] [/b]
总结的，好深刻呀
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