批评的艺术
The Art of Giving CriticismSome people [b]get a kick out of[/b][b]（感到兴奋激动）[/b]insulting others. It’s really easy to find some friends, neighbors, politicians, actors, comedians, athletes, or other people who aren’t doing everything exactly to your liking. And when someone is making mistakes, some people feel the need to make sure they know it.
This kind of destructive criticism really doesn’t help anyone. People who [b]partake(v.[/b][b]分享、参加)[/b] in destructive criticism often seem to think there’s a limited amount of success to [b]go around[/b][b]（满足）[/b], so putting others down makes them feel better about themselves.
That’s crazy. Criticizing someone just for the sake of putting them down makes both of you miserable. Criticism should always be done with the goal of helping the other person improve. So then, how do you deliver constructive criticism?
[b]1. Decide on your objective [u]up front[/u][/b][b]（之前,[/b][b]先前）, and remember it.[/b]
Are you trying to help the other person improve, or are you trying to win an argument? These are very different goals. What you set out to do sets the tone of the whole conversation, so be clear on your objective.
[b]2. Tread softly.[/b]
Remember that they didn’t ask for your advice. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give it, but you should approach [b]with caution[/b][b]（小心,[/b][b]谨慎）[/b]. They might be very sensitive, or they might have been dealing with a bunch of unconstructive critics lately.
[b]3. Be aware that you might not know the whole story.[/b]
While you might see something you think should be done differently, there might actually be a good reason for it. Before going off on an angry rampage, seek to understand the situation first. Things are often more complicated than they appear.
[b]4. Be careful about the word “why.”[/b]
Surprisingly, “why” can be a tricky word. You might use it to ask an innocent question, but it might not be heard that way. It can potentially sound a lot more confrontational than intended. Fortunately, there’s a safer substitute: “how?”
Consider the question “Why did you decide to do that?” vs. “How did you decide to do that?” They’re both asking the same thing, but the latter is showing curiosity, while the former is possibly showing judgment.
If you’re just curious, they’ll be happy to explain their decision. When you get a conversation going, it’s better for both of you. And who knows, you might end up seeing things their way.
[b]5. Say what they can do better.[/b]
Don’t point out a problem without also presenting a solution. Telling someone about their flaws is just useless complaining, unless you tell them how they can improve. If you don’t know the answer to that, then what good can come of your criticism?
一些人冒犯别人时言语过激。确实，身边的朋友、邻居、政治家、演员、喜剧演员、运动员等很多人并不能每件事都如你所愿。当一些人犯了错误时，他们认为他们有必要知道。
蓄意破坏性的批评帮不了任何人。那些常常挑刺的人往往认为仅有的成功无法满足自我，从而贬低他人获得更好的自我感觉。
这种想法实在太荒谬。只是为了贬低他人而批评只会让彼此都深受其害。批评自始至终都应该以帮助别人改进为目的。所以，你该如何提出建设性的意见呢？
1.确定目标，铭记在心。
你究竟时为了别人改进，还是为了赢得一次辩论？这是完全不同的两个目的。你到底冲着什么去的决定了你们之间对话的基调。所以，搞清楚你的目标。
2.柔声细语，心态平和。
你要记住，别人没有征求过你的意见。但是，这也不代表你没有权利提出，不过你要需要小心谨慎。他们很可能非常敏感易怒，也很可能已经听了太多毫无建树的谏言。
3.弄清事实，切勿草率。
当你认为一件事情不应该如此处理时，或许事出有因。在你不分青红皂白发怒前，请首先了解整件事。事情往往比它们看来得要复杂的多。
4.不问为何，只问怎么。
“为什么？”是一句非常微妙的说辞。你可能只是问一个无意的问题，却被人误以为另有所指。这句话很有可能比你所想的更有对抗性。幸运的是有个更安全的替代词“怎么会？”。
把“你为什么决定这么做呢？”换成“你怎么会做出这个决定呢？”是不是好很多。两个是同一个问题，但前一句表现出猎奇心态，后一句则显示出了客观判断。
5.要提意见，还要建议。
不要只是批评，却没有建议。告诉别人有什么不对只不过是无谓的埋怨，除非你能加上对他们的建议。如果你不知道如何回答，那么你的批评又会产生什么好结果呢？
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