REFLECTING INWARD INWARD, REFLECTING

蓝蓝

I spent so many years reflecting inward
Only spending time with myself
I knew who I was
I knew what I wanted to become
I was my only true friend
The only one I ever trusted
I was my own best friend
The only one I ever needed

Time passed and I grew up
I grew away from my thoughts
I was no longer sure of who I was
Or what I wanted from life
My friends became my support
But no one was my best friend
No one was there for me for everything
No one could help me be sure with my life

I wandered lost for years
Coming out of the darkness
But always retreating back
In fear of the future
Everything was going along
Happening with out me even trying

Years passed and into adulthood I went
As lost as a meek child
The mistakes I made were mounting
The corrections I tried were pointless
My problems were burring me
There was no escape

I tried to get a hold on my life
I knew I had to fix things
I knew things had to change
And they had to change now

I resolved to fix things
To make my life better
A new boyfriend, new friends
A new outlook on my life

I wanted to reflect inward
To help my own self
To start making good decisions
To gain the control I had once before I began on the path

Took the first steps myself
And then someone offered a hand
The first true act of friendship
I grabbed on and held
I was scared to make the turns by myself

But now as I stand
The dependence is clear
My strength is not my own
My weaknesses are shared
I need to be on my own

I need to reflect inward
I need to find a peace within myself
The ability to be happy with me
I need to love myself
Before I can completely love him