tshcup

The Day that You're Inaugurated



A woman and her husband were out shopping when she realized that she needed to purchase some hair color for her graying hair.



"When are you going to stop buying that expensive stuff," complained the husband, "and let your hair go gray like Barbara Bush?"  



"The day that you're inaugurated," the wife replied.

tshcup

In England nobody under the age of eighteen is allowed to drink in a public bar．



Mr． Thompson used to go to a bar near his house quite often，but he never took his son，Tom，because he was too young． Then when Tom had his eighteenth birthday， Mr．Thompson took him to his usual bar for the first time．They drank for half an hour， and then Mr．Thompson said to his son，“Now， Tom，I want to teach you a useful lesson．You must always be careful not to drink too much． And how do you know when you've had enough？ Well， I'll tell you．Do you see those two lights at the end of the bar？ When they seem to have become four，you've had enough and should go home．”



“But， Dad，” said Tom，“I can only see one light at the end of the bar．”

tshcup

Mr．Green went to Germany，because he had some work there．He came back last Monday，and his young wife met him at the airport．They walked to their car and passed a tall，pretty air hostess．Mr．Green said to her，“Goodbye，Miss Harris，” and the air hostess smiled and said“Goodbye” too．



Mrs．Green stopped and looked at the air hostess．Then she said to her husband，“How did you know her name？”



“That was easy，”answered Mr．Green．“The names of the captain and all the crew were on a piece of paper in front of our sests．”



“What was the name of the captain？”Mrs．Green asked with a smile．



Mr．Green laughed and answered，“I don't remember any of the other names．”

格林去了德国，因为他在那里有些工作要做。他上星期一回国，他年轻的妻子到机场去接他。他们向他们的汽车走去，遇见了一位高挑、漂亮的空中小姐。格林先生对她说：“再见，哈里斯小姐。”那位空中小姐莞尔一笑，也说了声“再见”。



格林夫人停下来，看看那位空中小姐，然后她问她丈夫：“你怎么知道她的名字？”



“这很容易，”格林先生回答。“机长和机组全体人员的名单都写在我们座位前的一张纸上。”



“那机长叫什么名字？”格林夫人笑着问。



格林先生笑着答道：“我不记得其他任何人的名字。”

tshcup

Guns Buried in the Garden



An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in  prison. The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone who would help him plow up the garden.  



He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!"



At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns.



Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.



His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."



埋在花园里的枪



一个老人独居在北爱尔兰，他的独生子正在坐牢。老人想在花园里种些土豆，但不知道谁可以帮忙把泥土翻松。他写信想儿子提及此事，儿子回信说道：“看在上帝的面上，千万不要翻松花园的泥土，我把枪埋在那儿了。”

第二天凌晨4点，一队英国士兵出现在老人家中，在花园把土地翻遍，但并没有找到任何枪支。”



老人写信告诉儿子这件奇怪的事情，问到底发生了什么事情，下一步应该怎么做。



儿子回信道：“你只管种土豆好了。”

tshcup

On her return from school，little Dolly，aged ten，was pulled on to her Daddy's knee，and informed that the fairies had that day brought a big surprise a little baby brother．She see med glad，and presently said：



“Will you give me a stamp，daddy？I want to write and tell brother Tom．”



The father was touched by this，and provided the little lass with the materials to write a letter to her brother，who was away at school．Later，curious to know how she would tell the news，he took an opportunity to read what she had writen．He received something of a shock on reading the following：



“Dear Tom，



“It's come off today．You've lost；it's a boy．”



1．你输了



放学回到家里，十岁的小多莉被拉过来坐在她爸爸的膝上，她被告知那天仙女们带来了一个大大的惊奇——一个婴儿小弟弟。她似乎很高兴，马上说：

“爸爸，你能不能给我一张邮票？我要写信告诉汤姆哥哥。”



父亲被这话感动了，他为小姑娘提供了给她哥哥写信所需的各种用具，她的哥哥住在学校里。后来，想知道她是怎么报告这个消息的，他找机会读了她写的信。在读到下面这两行字时，他差点儿惊呆了：



“亲爱的汤姆：



“今天结果出来了，你输了；是个男孩。”

tshcup

A Gentleman


Dick was seven years old，and his sister，Catherine．was five．One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes．



The children played for an hour，and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen．She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him，“Now here's a knife，Dick．Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister，but remember to do it like a gentleman．”



“Like a gentleman？” Dick asked．“How do gentlemen do it？”



“They always give the bigger piece to the other person．”answered his aunt at once．



“Oh” said Dick．He thought about this for a few seconds．Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her，“Cut this cake in half，Catherine．”

绅士



迪克年龄七岁，他的妹妹凯瑟琳五岁。一天，妈妈把他们带到姨妈家去玩，自己就到大城市去买些新的衣服。”



孩子们玩了个把小时，在四点半的时候，姨妈领着迪克走进了厨房。她交给迪克一块精美的蛋糕和一把刀子，并对他说：“喏，迪克，给你刀子，把这块蛋糕一切为二，给你妹妹一块。不过，你得记住要做得像一个绅士那样。”



迪克问：“像一个绅士？绅士怎样做呢？”



他姨妈马上回答说：“绅士总是把大的一块让给别人的。”



迪克说了一声“噢”。他对此想了一会，然后，他把蛋糕拿给妹妹，并对她说：“凯瑟琳，你来把这块蛋糕一切为二吧。”

tshcup

My Boss and I



When I take a long time, I am slow.



When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.



When I don't do it, I am lazy.



When my boss doesn't do it, he is too busy.   



When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart.



When my boss does the same, that is initiative.



When I please my boss, I am ass-kissing.



When my boss pleases his boss, he is co-operating.



I do good, my boss never remembers.



When I do wrong, he never forgets.



老板和我



我做事情花了长时间，是效率低；

老板做事情花了长时间，是深思熟虑。

我没有做完事情，是懒惰；

老板没有做完事情，是太繁忙。

没有人告诉我的事情我做了，是自作聪明；

老板做了同样的事情，是首创。

我取悦老板，是献媚；

老板取悦他的老板，是合作。

我干得好，老板从来不会想起；

我干得不好，老板从来不会忘记。

tshcup

The Right Leg


Proctor（exceedingly angry）：“So you confess that this unfortunate freshman was carried to this frog pond and drenched？Now what part did you take in this disgraceful affair？”



Soph．（meekly）：“The right leg，sir．”



13．右腿



学监（非常生气）：“现在你承认这可怜的新生被扔进这蛙池里，浑身湿透？那么你在这不光彩的事情里扮演了什么角色呢？”



二年级学生（恭顺地）：“右腿，先生。”

tshcup

George Ⅲ asked the once wellknown wit， Horne Tooke，whether he could play cards．



“Your Majesty，” replied Tooke，“ I am a mere childwhere cards are concerned． I cannot even tell a King from aKnave.”



57．霍恩·图克



乔治三世问一度大名鼎鼎的才子霍恩·图克，会不会玩纸牌。



“陛下，”图克回答说：“在玩纸牌方面，我只不过是幼儿园的水平。我甚至分不清国王和无赖。”

tshcup

An Absent Minded Professor


A notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement．



A pupil meeting him said：



“Good evening，professor．How are you？



“Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with me．I've been limping for the last half hour．”



16．心不在焉的老师



有一天，人们看见一个有名的心不在焉的老师在路上走，他的一只脚一直踏在街沟里，另一只脚踩在人行道上。



一个碰见他的学生说：



“晚安，老师。您怎么了？”



“啊，”这位老师回答说：“我想我离开家的时候还挺好的，可是现在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已经一瘸一拐走了半个小时了。”




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yoyo530521

辛苦了

linliugy

thanks for your hard work , why don't you send its RAR articles?

chengfuquan

写的不错,多多努力

123456789w

..

DZ

原帖由 linliugy 于 2006-12-5 02:16 PM 发表
thanks for your hard work , why don't you send its RAR articles?

yes,i think that's a good way hard job