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tshcup

这里有很多材料

DZ

原帖由 linliugy 于 2006-12-5 02:16 PM 发表
thanks for your hard work , why don't you send its RAR articles?

yes,i think that's a good way hard job

123456789w

..

chengfuquan

写的不错,多多努力

linliugy

thanks for your hard work , why don't you send its RAR articles?

yoyo530521

辛苦了

tshcup

An Absent Minded Professor


A notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement．



A pupil meeting him said：



“Good evening，professor．How are you？



“Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with me．I've been limping for the last half hour．”



16．心不在焉的老师



有一天，人们看见一个有名的心不在焉的老师在路上走，他的一只脚一直踏在街沟里，另一只脚踩在人行道上。



一个碰见他的学生说：



“晚安，老师。您怎么了？”



“啊，”这位老师回答说：“我想我离开家的时候还挺好的，可是现在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已经一瘸一拐走了半个小时了。”




↑返回顶部   打印本页

tshcup

George Ⅲ asked the once wellknown wit， Horne Tooke，whether he could play cards．



“Your Majesty，” replied Tooke，“ I am a mere childwhere cards are concerned． I cannot even tell a King from aKnave.”



57．霍恩·图克



乔治三世问一度大名鼎鼎的才子霍恩·图克，会不会玩纸牌。



“陛下，”图克回答说：“在玩纸牌方面，我只不过是幼儿园的水平。我甚至分不清国王和无赖。”

tshcup

The Right Leg


Proctor（exceedingly angry）：“So you confess that this unfortunate freshman was carried to this frog pond and drenched？Now what part did you take in this disgraceful affair？”



Soph．（meekly）：“The right leg，sir．”



13．右腿



学监（非常生气）：“现在你承认这可怜的新生被扔进这蛙池里，浑身湿透？那么你在这不光彩的事情里扮演了什么角色呢？”



二年级学生（恭顺地）：“右腿，先生。”

tshcup

My Boss and I



When I take a long time, I am slow.



When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.



When I don't do it, I am lazy.



When my boss doesn't do it, he is too busy.   



When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart.



When my boss does the same, that is initiative.



When I please my boss, I am ass-kissing.



When my boss pleases his boss, he is co-operating.



I do good, my boss never remembers.



When I do wrong, he never forgets.



老板和我



我做事情花了长时间，是效率低；

老板做事情花了长时间，是深思熟虑。

我没有做完事情，是懒惰；

老板没有做完事情，是太繁忙。

没有人告诉我的事情我做了，是自作聪明；

老板做了同样的事情，是首创。

我取悦老板，是献媚；

老板取悦他的老板，是合作。

我干得好，老板从来不会想起；

我干得不好，老板从来不会忘记。

tshcup

A Gentleman


Dick was seven years old，and his sister，Catherine．was five．One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes．



The children played for an hour，and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen．She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him，“Now here's a knife，Dick．Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister，but remember to do it like a gentleman．”



“Like a gentleman？” Dick asked．“How do gentlemen do it？”



“They always give the bigger piece to the other person．”answered his aunt at once．



“Oh” said Dick．He thought about this for a few seconds．Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her，“Cut this cake in half，Catherine．”

绅士



迪克年龄七岁，他的妹妹凯瑟琳五岁。一天，妈妈把他们带到姨妈家去玩，自己就到大城市去买些新的衣服。”



孩子们玩了个把小时，在四点半的时候，姨妈领着迪克走进了厨房。她交给迪克一块精美的蛋糕和一把刀子，并对他说：“喏，迪克，给你刀子，把这块蛋糕一切为二，给你妹妹一块。不过，你得记住要做得像一个绅士那样。”



迪克问：“像一个绅士？绅士怎样做呢？”



他姨妈马上回答说：“绅士总是把大的一块让给别人的。”



迪克说了一声“噢”。他对此想了一会，然后，他把蛋糕拿给妹妹，并对她说：“凯瑟琳，你来把这块蛋糕一切为二吧。”

tshcup

On her return from school，little Dolly，aged ten，was pulled on to her Daddy's knee，and informed that the fairies had that day brought a big surprise a little baby brother．She see med glad，and presently said：



“Will you give me a stamp，daddy？I want to write and tell brother Tom．”



The father was touched by this，and provided the little lass with the materials to write a letter to her brother，who was away at school．Later，curious to know how she would tell the news，he took an opportunity to read what she had writen．He received something of a shock on reading the following：



“Dear Tom，



“It's come off today．You've lost；it's a boy．”



1．你输了



放学回到家里，十岁的小多莉被拉过来坐在她爸爸的膝上，她被告知那天仙女们带来了一个大大的惊奇——一个婴儿小弟弟。她似乎很高兴，马上说：

“爸爸，你能不能给我一张邮票？我要写信告诉汤姆哥哥。”



父亲被这话感动了，他为小姑娘提供了给她哥哥写信所需的各种用具，她的哥哥住在学校里。后来，想知道她是怎么报告这个消息的，他找机会读了她写的信。在读到下面这两行字时，他差点儿惊呆了：



“亲爱的汤姆：



“今天结果出来了，你输了；是个男孩。”

tshcup

Guns Buried in the Garden



An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in  prison. The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone who would help him plow up the garden.  



He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!"



At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns.



Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.



His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."



埋在花园里的枪



一个老人独居在北爱尔兰，他的独生子正在坐牢。老人想在花园里种些土豆，但不知道谁可以帮忙把泥土翻松。他写信想儿子提及此事，儿子回信说道：“看在上帝的面上，千万不要翻松花园的泥土，我把枪埋在那儿了。”

第二天凌晨4点，一队英国士兵出现在老人家中，在花园把土地翻遍，但并没有找到任何枪支。”



老人写信告诉儿子这件奇怪的事情，问到底发生了什么事情，下一步应该怎么做。



儿子回信道：“你只管种土豆好了。”

tshcup

Mr．Green went to Germany，because he had some work there．He came back last Monday，and his young wife met him at the airport．They walked to their car and passed a tall，pretty air hostess．Mr．Green said to her，“Goodbye，Miss Harris，” and the air hostess smiled and said“Goodbye” too．



Mrs．Green stopped and looked at the air hostess．Then she said to her husband，“How did you know her name？”



“That was easy，”answered Mr．Green．“The names of the captain and all the crew were on a piece of paper in front of our sests．”



“What was the name of the captain？”Mrs．Green asked with a smile．



Mr．Green laughed and answered，“I don't remember any of the other names．”

格林去了德国，因为他在那里有些工作要做。他上星期一回国，他年轻的妻子到机场去接他。他们向他们的汽车走去，遇见了一位高挑、漂亮的空中小姐。格林先生对她说：“再见，哈里斯小姐。”那位空中小姐莞尔一笑，也说了声“再见”。



格林夫人停下来，看看那位空中小姐，然后她问她丈夫：“你怎么知道她的名字？”



“这很容易，”格林先生回答。“机长和机组全体人员的名单都写在我们座位前的一张纸上。”



“那机长叫什么名字？”格林夫人笑着问。



格林先生笑着答道：“我不记得其他任何人的名字。”

tshcup

In England nobody under the age of eighteen is allowed to drink in a public bar．



Mr． Thompson used to go to a bar near his house quite often，but he never took his son，Tom，because he was too young． Then when Tom had his eighteenth birthday， Mr．Thompson took him to his usual bar for the first time．They drank for half an hour， and then Mr．Thompson said to his son，“Now， Tom，I want to teach you a useful lesson．You must always be careful not to drink too much． And how do you know when you've had enough？ Well， I'll tell you．Do you see those two lights at the end of the bar？ When they seem to have become four，you've had enough and should go home．”



“But， Dad，” said Tom，“I can only see one light at the end of the bar．”

tshcup

The Day that You're Inaugurated



A woman and her husband were out shopping when she realized that she needed to purchase some hair color for her graying hair.



"When are you going to stop buying that expensive stuff," complained the husband, "and let your hair go gray like Barbara Bush?"  



"The day that you're inaugurated," the wife replied.

tshcup

When a Tiger comes

Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them.



One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?"



His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."

tshcup

Is He Dying?

A man was sitting in a bar with tears streaming down his face. A friend walked in and asked why he was so unhappy. The weeping one said, "The doctor has just told me I'll have to take these tablets for the rest of my life."

Cheerfully, his friend pointed out that many people have to take tablets every day of their life. "Sure," came the reply, "but he only gave me ten."

tshcup

A Truly Outstanding Article
　
The trend in everyday conversation is to use grandiose words. "Outstanding" is new "good", "amazing" is the new "OK", and "huge" is the new "big".

I was in a restaurant in D.C. last weekend and everything I asked was answered in superlatives.

Me: How s the salmon?

Server: Fantastic!

Me: Does it come with rice?

Server: Absolutely!

Would a "good" and a "yes" have been sufficient? Undeniably!

At Starbucks, the smallest coffee you can order is a Tall. Tall would seem to indicate that there was also a short and medium, with Tall being the largest. But at Starbucks, Tall is small. Grande, which is both Italian and Spanish for large, is medium.

Likewise, at your local 7-Eleven you cannot buy a small: Your choices are Big Gulp, Super Gulp and Extremely Big Gulp. Old Banana Navy Gap also did away with the small. You cannot buy anything from the chain stores that is really a "small". My father is an average-sized man. He hasn't gained weight (or height, for that matter) for the past 30 years. Ergo, his size remains the same. But in the same amount of time, his T-shirt size has gone from small/medium to medium to large to extra large.

Upon reflection, the reason for all this colossal-speak is clear: We are bored with our fantastic, wonderful lives. We want the next-next thing now. Now!

And we also want others to think that we still care, that we can still be delighted, that we know that everything is just great. Even when deep inside we know it can't be. Everything can't be great. Hence, we live in a world where extreme is ordinary, where radical is quotidian; exceptional is pedestrian. And to not be overly delighted by the mundane is appalling. It's horrific. And, Dude, that's heinous.

I'm not a scientist, and my methods of proof leave a little to be desired, or a lot to be desired, or an immensity. And to be honest, I guess I'd rather live in a world where people were overly excited than depressed.

But listen to the voices around you. Listen to your own voices. There is nothing on the news that is good or bad, only things that are wonderful or devastating. Even the weather is either beautiful or horrible.

Listen the next time when someone asks you something and you agree, because when you could simply say "yes", instead you will say "absolutely" or "without doubt" or "Oh, yeah, unquestionably - absolutely without doubt."

Have people forgotten what it is like to be OK? Simply OK with what they have and who they are?

If everything is outstanding, if everything is the most amazing thing ever, is anything ever amazing at all?

　　中文：

　　用词浮夸是如今日常会话的时髦。“出类拔萃”代替了“好”，“不可思议”代替了“不错”，“巨大”代替了“大”。

　　上周末我去哥伦比亚特区的一家餐馆，我的每一个问题得到的回答全是最高级的修饰语。

　　我：鲑鱼怎么样？
　　服务生：妙不可言！
　　我：带米饭吗？
　　服务生：千真万确！

　　说一个“好”和一个“是的”够不够？毋庸置疑嘛！

　　在星巴克咖啡店，你能点到的最小份的咖啡叫“高杯”。这似乎意味着还有矮杯和中杯，“高杯”该为最大杯。可是在星巴克，“高杯”却是小杯。“豪华”（这个词在意大利语和西班牙语中是“大”的意思）才是中杯。

　　同样地，你在当地的7-Eleven便利店里也买不到小杯咖啡：供选择的只有大杯、超大杯和特大杯。Old Banana Navy Gap商店也废除了小号。在它的连锁店你买不到真正的“小号”。我父亲是中等体形，他的体重（或身高也如此）在过去三十年没增加过。所以他的身体尺寸没变化。可是在同样长的时间里，他的T恤尺寸却从小/中号增至中号、大号、加大号。

　　回头想想，这种夸大其词的原因很明了：我们对精彩、美妙的生活已经厌倦。我们现在想要的是未来之未来的东西。现在就要！

　　同时，我们想让别人认为我们仍然在意生活，仍然能够兴高采烈，认为我们知道一切都是那么美好。哪怕在内心深处我们清楚这不可能。不可能事事都妙不可言。由此以来，我们生活在这样一个世界：极度等于平凡，极端等于普通，非凡等于一般。而对寻常事物若不是感到特别高兴就成了骇人听闻。“太恐怖了。”“啊，令人发指。”

　　我不是专家，我的证明方法有一些，或许多，或巨大的待改进之处。坦白地说，我想我也宁愿活在一个人们激动过分而不是垂头丧气的世界里。

　　但是听听你周围的声音吧。听听自己的心里话。从新闻中听不到任何好或坏的消息，只有一些要么美妙之极，要么糟糕透顶的东西。连天气都变成了或美丽或恐怖。

　　当下次有人问你什么而你表示同意的时候，你留意听听，因为本来你可以简单地说声“是的”，可你却会说“绝对如此”或“毫无疑问”或“哦，是啊，无可争议 --- 绝对地毫无疑问”。

　　难道人们已经忘了“好”是什么样的吗？忘了什么是过得“还不错”、自己是谁了吗？

　　如果一切都成了出类拔萃，如果事事都是令人无比诧异，那还有无令人诧异一说吗？

tshcup

Love Is Just a Thread  

Sometimes I really doubt whether there is love between my parents. Every day they are very busy trying to earn money in order to pay the high tuition for my brother and me. They don't act in the romantic ways that I read in books or I see on TV. In their opinion, "I love you" is too luxurious for them to say. Sending flowers to each other on Valentine's Day is even more out of the question. Finally my father has a bad temper. When he's very tired from the hard work, it is easy for him to lose his temper.

One day, my mother was sewing a quilt. I silently sat down beside her and looked at her.

"Mom, I have a question to ask you," I said after a while.

"What?" she replied, still doing her work.

"Is there love between you and Dad?" I asked her in a very low voice.

My mother stopped her work and raised her head with surprise in her eyes. She didn't answer immediately. Then she bowed her head and continued to sew the quilt.

I was very worried because I thought I had hurt her. I was in a great embarrassment and I didn't know what I should do. But at last I heard my mother say the following words:

"Susan," she said thoughtfully, "Look at this thread. Sometimes it appears, but most of it disappears in the quilt. The thread really makes the quilt strong and durable. If life is a quilt, then love should be a thread. It can hardly be seen anywhere or anytime, but it's really there. Love is inside."

I listened carefully but I couldn't understand her until the next spring. At that time, my father suddenly got sick seriously. My mother had to stay with him in the hospital for a month. When they returned from the hospital, they both looked very pale. It seemed both of them had had a serious illness.

After they were back, every day in the morning and dusk, my mother helped my father walk slowly on the country road. My father had never been so gentle. It seemed they were the most harmonious couple. Along the country road, there were many beautiful flowers, green grass and trees. The sun gently glistened through the leaves. All of these made up the most beautiful picture in the world.

The doctor had said my father would recover in two months. But after two months he still couldn't walk by himself. All of us were worried about him.

"Dad, how are you feeling now?" I asked him one day.

"Susan, don't worry about me." he said gently. "To tell you the truth, I just like walking with your mom. I like this kind of life." Reading his eyes, I know he loves my mother deeply.

Once I thought love meant flowers, gifts and sweet kisses. But from this experience, I understand that love is just a thread in the quilt of our life. Love is inside, making life strong and warm.

　　……
　　
　　注：

　　“我曾经认为爱情就是鲜花、礼物和甜蜜的亲吻。但从那一刻起，我明白了，爱情就像是生活中被子里的一根线。爱情就在里面，使生活变得坚固而温暖。”