Part 1

How many Princeton students does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two---one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.

How many Brown students does it take to change a lightbulb?

Eleven---one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience.

How many Dartmouth students does it take to change a lightbulb?

None---Hanover doesn't have electricity.

How many Cornell students does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two---One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.

How many Penn students does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, but he gets six credits for it.

How many Columbia students does it take to change a lightbulb?

Seventy-six---one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb's right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter-protest.

How many Yale students does it take to change a lightbulb?

None---New Haven looks better in the dark.

How many Harvard students does it take to change a lightbulb?

One---he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.

Part 2

How many Brown students does it take to change a lightbulb?

Four---one to change the lightbulb, two to protest the lack of longer-lasting, environmentally-friendly lightbulbs, and one to get another nose ring.

How many Dartmouth students does it take to change a lightbulb?

No one knows---they were all too drunk to remember.

How many Cornell students does it take to change a lightbulb?

None---They're all to heavy to climb the ladder to change the bulb, since there's nothing to do in Ithaca but eat all day, and they all get depressed so they get an extra week of vacation so they don't kill themselves after taking 6 classes AND P.E.

How many Columbia students does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two--one to change the lightbulb and one to hold the gun.

How many Princeton students does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five--one to tip the man-servant, and four to comment about all "those Jews and Communists at Harvard" over cocktails.

How many Yale students does it take to change a lightbulb?

Twelve--one to write a play about the ramifications of changing a lightbulb, and eleven drama majors to star in it.

How many Penn students does it take to change a lightbulb?

None--when Penn reordered more lightbulbs, they were mistakenly sent to State College.

How many Harvard students does it take to change a lightbulb?

1600--All of the freshmen want to change it, since there's nothing else to do.

How many Harvard grads does it take to change a lightbulb?

One--he calls his Ivy League alum secretary and has it changed.