Tips for Becoming Fluent in the Non-Verbal Language of Dating
“身体语言”这一类词儿我们早就听得耳朵长茧了，然而，你真的知道别人对你源源不断，孜孜不倦地散发的那些气场到底暗示着什么吗？
Interactions can be wrought with mixed signals- saying one thing and non-verbally communicating another. No wonder so many singles report confusion regarding what their date was really thinking or feeling. On the surface, understanding this language can seem very difficult, if not impossible. Not so, if you learn to speak the non-verbal language of process.
交流这种事情其实最纠结了，总是有人嘴上说着一套，心里想着一套。怪不得很多单身人士都抱怨说不知道约会对象到底在想什么。不过其实只要摸清了一些非语言表达方式的含义，那么看清对方的心思也没那么难。
The following tips will be presented using examples of naturally (and commonly) reported dating scenarios experienced by singles.
我们搜集了众多单身人士的约会资料，情景再现般地教给大家怎样破译约会的谜题。 1. Eye contact 四目相对型
When you are sitting and talking with your date, do you notice how they look at you, when you or they are speaking? When their eye contact is good, this is a sign that they feel comfortable and interested in you. They are really involved in the interaction and want to be there. It also communicates honesty and sincerity. Conversely, when your date has difficulty making eye contact, this communicates discomfort; lack of interest or it could be extreme shyness. The last would be easy to know if they are a shy person in general.
当你们并肩而坐侃侃而谈之时，你有没有注意过他/她的眼睛？如果对方两眼一直关怀着你，那么他/她必然是对你有好感，表示他/她很享受交流的过程，同时你还能看到对方内心深处的坦诚与真挚。反之，如果他/她就是不愿抬眼跟你对望，那么对方要么就是对你没有好感、提不起兴趣，要么就是害羞。是不是害羞一般而言比较容易看出来。 2. Restlessness 坐立不安型
Have you ever experienced the restless date? You know the one. He moves around in his chair, she looks at her watch, and his mind seems somewhere else. He may or may not offer an explanation. What appears to be going on is that her mind IS somewhere else. This behavior communicates a lack of interest or a preoccupation with someone or somewhere else.
跟这种人约会过吗？男的坐立不安，神情恍惚；女的一会看表，一会提包。这种情况都不需要解释，两种可能，一是他/她对你没有兴趣，再者就是他/她心里有事儿，身在曹营心在汉。 3. Looking around at others a lot and not at you 左顾右盼型
Have you ever had the unpleasant experience of being out with someone who watches the crowd the whole time? Perhaps, they just glance furtively (and frequently) around the room? This, of course, signals lack of interest, possible discomfort and a desire to avoid interaction with you. It can also be a general sign of someone who is not trustworthy, or at the very least, hasn't been completely honest/ candid with you.
想想看你好不容易约上一个他/她出来，对方却一直关注着周围来来往往的人群，没人可看时就从天花板到地砖缝上下前后得瞄。你说悲哀不悲哀。这显示了对方对你不感兴趣，可能是觉着跟你在一起不舒服，或者干脆就是躲避跟你谈话。反过来，你怎么看他/她？那就是，不值得信任，至少不是那种实实诚诚的敞亮人儿。 4. Is noticeably quiet 难开尊口型
Oh, how deafening is silence. It can speak volumes. If your date has little to say to you what does this mean? Maybe they are just not very interested in you. Perhaps they don't think you would care to hear what they have to say. Maybe they think you wouldn't appreciate hearing what they are really thinking. Perhaps they are in an off or sour mood. Only you can interpret this. Be careful not to quickly write it off to something you want it to be, as opposed to what it really is.
沉默，只是沉默，此时无声胜有声。相顾无言其实能说明很多事。如果你的约会对象跟你玩沉默，这能反映什么问题？可能是他/她对你没兴趣，或者是她认为你不太愿意听她的娓娓道来，再就是他怕自己滔滔不绝的一大堆到你这里会没有反应，又或者他/她是情绪不佳呢。局势复杂，只有当事者能看清。所以，别对沉默草率地下结论，因为你很可能就看错了。 5. Stiffening or closed-in body posture 身体僵硬型
You know what YOU do in uncomfortable situations. You fold your arms tightly across your chest. You stiffen your spine. You tightly cross your legs. You turn your body at an angle away from the person you are facing. You lean away from the person you are with.
在一个不自在的场合下，相信你也有类似的举动：脊梁骨发僵，双臂交叉放在胸前，双腿并拢脚下吃劲，面对面时打偏座避免直面对方，并排坐时会下意识地把身体往反方向躲……等等。
Of course, the reverse is true when the interaction feels good. You lean forward. Your arms are relaxed or laying open to the person. You face the other person directly. Your posture is relaxed and at ease.
反之如果环境和交流让你感到轻松，上面这些举动就全部会倒过来。你会肘臂前倾，身体放松，面向对方体态舒展，整个人处于自然轻松的状态。
It's fairly easy to interpret the closed-in posture. The other person feels uncomfortable They aren't open to the interaction with you. They would rather not be there.
防御性的姿态很好分辨，如果对方跟你一起感到不快，他自然不会放松舒展，事实上，他们巴不得立刻逃离你身边。 6. Physical Contact 摸摸碰碰型
Perhaps the easiest communication to read correctly is that of touch. If your date avoids taking your hand or putting his arm around you he may be uncomfortable or unsure. He may also be shy, but you would already know that.
诸多交往手段中，可能最不容易误解的就是身体接触了。简单一例，如果你约会的男朋友回避跟你牵手或者不愿意搂你，那么他要么是对你不感冒，要么是对你俩的关系不确定。当然，他仍然可能是因为害羞，不过真如此的话你也早该心里有数了。
If someone you have been dating for a while begins to exhibit changes in their level of eye contact, body posture, attention to you, availability and/or becomes restless or less communicative, pay attention. Their feelings have shifted. Be careful not to be too quick to explain it away. More than one occurrence should set off your silent alarm. Make sure that what they say matches what they don't say.
如果你察觉到你的那个他/她有所变化，比如在眼神交流、体态动作、对你的关注、陪你的时间、耐性或者是沟通技巧方面出现异常，那就要注意了，他们对你的好感可能有转变。不要着急对一种异常下结论，如果以上现象出现两个以上，那你可要注意防范他/她变心走人了。所以，观察的要点是言行一致，表里如一，双管齐下，双重考量。作者: davy10 时间: 2011-5-1 15:24
very good ! gentlemen , we must read it carefully and conduct a good use!
