Many people find it hard to forgive. As we go through life, it’s inevitable that we’ll come across people who wrong（v.冤枉、不公正地对待） us in one way or another. From the one who cuts you off in traffic to the one who puts you on hold and forgets about you, there’s no shortage of people out there who aren’t treating us exactly the way we’d like. Unfortunately, we’re rather limited in our ability to influence their behavior. But the good news is that we have a lot of control over how we react to them.
Forgiving others
To be able to forgive others, it’s helpful to understand where they’re coming from. Sometimes we make assumptions that someone must be a jerk to act a certain way, when there might be factors we aren’t considering.
In many cases, the person who wronged you might have acted completely out of character for some reason, and they might truly be sorry. It’s also possible that they don’t even know they did anything wrong! Try not to make assumptions, and just talk to them instead. Say what they did, why you think it was wrong, and how it made you feel. If they didn’t mean for it to be an act of vengeance（n.报复、报仇）, then why not forgive them?
Forgiving yourself
Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself. If someone else makes a mistake, we’re more objective about it, and we can see that they really did the best they could. If we make the same mistake, it’s a lot harder to be objective. We think back over all the details and see how many things we could have done differently. Other people might say it’s OK, but how do you appease(v.平息、缓和) your own toughest critic?
As with other people, you need to consider what you have to gain by not forgiving yourself. Usually it’s very little. If you can make the situation right, do it. Otherwise, work on doing better next time. If necessary, avoid similar situations until you’re sure you can handle them better. But don’t wallow in（沉溺于） guilt. It’s one of the most useless emotions of all.
