Ego(n.自我), Fear, & Emotional Insecurities
As with material possessions(n.拥有) or professional achievements, relationships give our ego a method by which to identify who we are to the outside world. The problem is that we attach(attach to紧密相连，依恋于) so much of our identity to the external appearance of our relationships that we lose touch with the parts of ourselves that are wise and conscious. The attachment to this false identity leads to a feeling of desperation(n.绝望) rather than fulfillment. After all, without the relationship, or the job, or whichever other false identity we have chosen, who would we be?
Besides the ego identification, it’s easy to develop a dependency(n.依赖) on companionship. That independent person that we once were starts to evaporate(v.蒸发). Our mind becomes fogged(adj.雾的，不清晰的) and as our self-identification begins to attach itself to the other person, unconsciously(adv.不清晰) or consciously, we become afraid to lose that person. We become dependent on that person and fearful of loneliness.
Out of our emotional insecurities, we start to become needy and to seek out validation(n.确认) from our partner. So, instead of focusing on the celebration of love and partnership, it becomes a game of how to protect ourselves from loss.
Communication of Needs
Out of a desire to avoid appearing needy and out of a fear of losing our partner, we start to filter(v.过滤) what we say. In doing so, we do not communicate our needs clearly, openly or bravely. We somehow become convinced that our partner will magically know what to do to fulfill our needs. When our needs are not met, we secretly(v.秘密地) blame the other person and begin to resent(v.怨恨) them. When we are unhappy, our partner will pick up on the cues, and in turn, secretly resent us, thus starting a vicious cycle(恶性循环) in the silent destruction of a romantic partnership.
