Men and their
tools!
Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on one's enemies. Modern
hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.
Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional
repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.
Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over
$1,000. Contains twice the vodka.
Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a
one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.
Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in
it's leather sheath and worn on a homeowner's belt to increase testosterone levels.
Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at
yourself.
Halogen Light - A work light that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a
football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.
Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a
standard plug-in tool.
Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911.
Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the power of
your mother-in-law's nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house.
Chainsaw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built
completely around yourself.
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