四六级写作"天龙八部"：考生作文样卷点评1 四六级, 天龙, 考生, 作文, 点评

幽幽草

从句到段：段落的展开 　　基本句法掌握之后，接下来就要训练段落写作，这是因为段落是文章的基本组成部分，要写出好文章，必须在段落写作上多下功夫。段的基本组成是句子，好的段落应该是该段中所有的句子都围绕着一个主题展开，且句与句之间应该是紧密相连，形成统一的整体即unified and coherent。那么怎样将一个段落展开呢？下面介绍英语中几种常用的方法。
　　(1)时间顺序 按时间顺序写作就是按照事物发展在时间上的正常顺序或先后顺序展开段落。在讲述故事或回忆事件时，先发生的先写，后发生的后写。请看下面的例子：
　　My heart gave a leap when I heard the announcement that our train would soon arrive at its destination—Beijing. Like other passengers, I began to collect my things and put my mug, towel, atlas, apples, and other things into my bag. To the tune of a beautiful song the train pulled into the station and gently stopped by a platform. I walked out of the train and was carried forward by the stream of people into an underground passage and then into a big hall. As I stepped out of the station, I was dazzled by the bright autumn skies of Beijing. Though I had been on the train for more the thirty hours and spent an sleepless night, I didn’t feel tired at all, and I believed my days in this glorious city would be as sunny as the skies.
　　(2)空间顺序 按空间顺序组织材料通常用于描述一个地方、事情或人物外貌等。其文章内容应按照由近及远、由远及近、自下而上、自上而下、按顺时针方向或逆时针方向排列，例如：
　　In the middle of the rectangular-shaped courtyard stood three magnolia trees(), all in full bloom. A little girl was hoping among them, now gazing at a bud, now collecting fallen petals. Under one of the trees stood her parents, who, while keeping an eye on her, were examining the snow white blossoms with great interest and admiration. In front of another tree a young couple, fresh and bright as the flowers, were posing for a picture. At the end of the courtyard a group of youngsters had gathered behind an artist painting a flourishing limb, which looked so charming and real that a boy stooped to sniff at a half-open flower. At the opposite end a few elderly men and women stood admiring the leafless flowering trees and the people looking at them.
　　(3)列举法 通过列举一系列的论据 对主题句中的论点进行广泛、全面的陈述或解释，列举的顺序可按照所列各点的内容的相对重要性、时间、空间来排列，例如：
　　The Other Side of City Life
　　In the eyes of many people, city life is attractive with all its advantages and convenience, yet they don’t see the other side of the picture. First, with the expansion of the city, housing has become a serious problem for city people. Then, there is the problem of pollution: harmful gases from vehicles and poisonous water from factories pollute our surroundings; noise continually disturbs your peace and rest and drives you mad. Thirdly, modern city life puts a high pressure upon people; you have to hurry to and from work; you have to dodge in so as to avoid bumping into the flood of people, bicycles, cars, buses…; all day long you are under great stress. Fourthly, big cities also cause some social problems. Of which high crime rate is the most serious one. People are justifiably in fear of becoming victims of burglary, robbery, murder and other crimes at any time. They should find some ways to cope with all these problems.
　　(4)举例法 在主题句中简要、概括地说明一个段落的主题思想之后，可以用具体的、生动的事例来支撑论证主题，向目标读者展示并使他们具体感受主题句中尚未展开的内容和细节，例如：
　　This term several useful and interesting courses have been offered. An Introduction to European Culture, for instance, gives us a lot of background knowledge of the history of European philosophy, literature, and arts. From time to time we see slide shows of famous paintings and hear tapes of famous pieces of music, and they make the lectures all the more interesting. American Society and Culture is another course that attracts a large audience. The teacher, who visited the United States not long ago, discusses new trends and changes in American life as well as American history and traditions. We like these and other courses very much, because they help us not only to improve our English but also to broaden our vision.
　　(5)比较和对比 比较(comparison)主要是指出两个或两个以上不同种类的事物的共同点或相似之处，如人物、地点、事物、思想、观点等。对照(contrast)主要是指出它们的不同点。相同的或类似的特征可以组成比较，不同的特征则可以组成对照。不仅如此，比较和对比常常同时使用，这是因为比较中往往隐含着对比。
　　比较和对比常有两种形式，即整体比较和对比(block comparison and contrast)与逐项比较(alternating comparison)，例如：
　　Although Ulysses S. Grant and Robert E. Lee were fierce adversaries during the Civil War, their lives, both military and nonmilitary, has a great deal in common. Grant descended from a family whose members participated in the American Revolution. He received his commission of second lieutenant from West Point and served in the Spanish-American War. He was later summoned by President Lincoln to assume command of the Union Forces during the Civil War. After the Civil War, Grant suffered financial problems and was forced to declare bankruptcy. Lee also descended from a family which engaged in the American Revolution. He, too, received his commission from West Point and later fought in Mexico during the Spanish-American War. His fame as a military strategist during the Civil War, when he was the commander of the Confederate armies, is well known. Although it is not always pointed out by historians he, like Grant, had financial difficulties after the civil War and was compelled to declare bankruptcy. By securing a post as president of Washington College, he was able to avoid additional poverty.(整体比较)
　　The same qualities that make people good house guests make them good hospital patients. Good house guests can expect a reasonable amount of service and effort on their behalf, and hospital patients can also. Guests have to adjust to what is for them a change, and certainly hospital patients must do the same. No one appreciates a complaining, unpleasant, unappreciative house guest, and the hospital staff is no exception. Hose guests who expect vast changes to be made for their benefit are not popular for long. Certainly nurses and other personnel with their routines feel the same way about patients in their care. Just as house guests must make adjustments to enjoy their visits, so patients must make adjustments to make their stays reasonably pleasant and satisfying under the circumstances.(逐项比较)
　　(6)原因和结果 因果分析是常用的拓展段落的方法之一，一定要注意推理的逻辑性因果关系必须表达清楚，不能因果混淆，更不能因果倒置，要避免牵强附会和循环论证。一个原因可能造成一个或多个结果，也可能在一大段文章中涉及到一连串因果关系。一个结果也可能由多种原因所引起，通常先写结果，后写多种原因；但也可先写原因后写结果。另外，如果哟啊强调原因或结果，可用倒装或强调句型加以突出。例如：
　　The surge of demand for oil will soon begin to send shock waves through the American economy and transportation system. The impact of these tremors can already be anticipated: to the consumer they signal the end of a long love affair with the car, and to Detroit they offer an early warning that its 1985 growth aims are dangerously unrealistic. Unless we exercise foresight and devise growth-limits policies for the auto industry, events will thrust us into a crisis that will lead to a substantial erosion of domestic oil supply as well as the independence it provides us with, and a level of petroleum imports that could cost as much as $20 to $30 billion per year. Moreover, we would still be depleting our remaining oil reserves at an unacceptable rate, and scrambling for petroleum substitutes, with enormous potential damage to the environment.
　　(7)定义法 有时候为了避免混淆或误解，我们必须对一个词、一条术语或谚语、一个概念通过下定义加以说明、解释。通常有三种方法下定定义：给出同义词、用一个带有定语从句的复合句或用一整段文章，而以第三种方法最为常用。1997年1月份四级考试的作文Practice Makes Perfect就是一篇极为典型的定义型文章。再看下面的例子：
　　A “liberated woman” is simply a woman who controls her own life, rather than allowing it to be controlled by other people, traditions, or expectations. A “liberated woman” can be found pursuing any line of work, including housework, or no work at all. She may or may not be married; she may or may not have born children. She may belong to any race; she may have attained any age. She need have only one trait in common with her “liberated sisters”: she makes her own choices, whether they be the colors on her walls or the advanced degrees she seeks. She acts of her own volition, responsible to herself, and not out of fear of what her mother, lover, or neighbor might say.
　　(8)分类法 所谓“分类”就是根据人物和事物的特征将他们/它们分别归入各自不同的范畴。在写这一类段落时，一定要抓住各个类别的典型特征，不要异类相串，混淆起来。例如：
　　According to Xiao Li, the fifteen students of his class fall into three groups. Seven of them work hard and study well. They always get good marks in examinations and are often praised by the teachers. Li calls them “good students”. The monitor, the secretary of the Youth League branch, and the captain of the class volleyball team, are quick in finding out what their fellow students are interested in or what they should do as a collective. They always organize proper activities at the proper time, so Li calls them “good organizers”. Four other students are very kind to their classmates, always ready to lend them a helping hand. They help to clean the classroom and the corridor even when they are not on duty. Li says that they are “good fellows”. “What about yourself?” someone asks him. “I’m a group by myself—a good observer.”

幽幽草

样卷定稿

　　An Eye-Witness Account of a Traffic Accident

　　I saw the Traffic Accident in Tianjin Road. The Traffic Accident has been at the morning, May 1. Two children by bike went to school. A car is so fast, the streel. And the car touched two children by bike, and the Traffic Accident has happened. One is touched so far wayand the other is put down. Mary people come here, and they sent to two chidten who go to Hospiton. Wait a time, The ploiemen arriverd in the Accident place.

　　My opiontoin: The car driver is so fast by car, and He didn’t attendation to the children by bike aside the road. Two children by bike didn’t heared the car come. All of above, I think the car driver must be serier the Traffic Accident.

　　It was last Friday morning. The accident happened when I was on my way to school. It was so terrible that I would never forget it.

　　I was walking along the road, and there are not so many cars on the road. Then, with a big sound, the accident happened. The red car stoped suddenly on the road so that the driver of following car couldn’t respond immeditely. The back of the red car was badly damaged, but fortunately there was no people injured in this accident.

　　I think the main reasons are as follows: First of all, the red car shouldn’t stop suddenly without any signals. Secondly, the following car should keep a certain distance from the front car so that the driver could have enough time to take measurs when any badly situation. Finally, these two drivers were careless. If they had paid more attention to driving, this accdent wouldn’t have happened.

　　The traffic accident was taken place at the junction of two highways when I was driving my car home at about 4 o’clock..

　　The yellow car involved in the accident was running at a high speed along the right-hand when it happened. Hardly it reached the junction when it cracked with a truck running from another direction. There was no time for the drivers to change the directions.

　　I think the accident mostly attributed to such reasons: Firstly and the foremost, it was the carelessness of both of the drivers that mostly made the accidents happen. It was not too careful for them when running a car. Secondly, the weather also should be responsible for it. The fog made the vision of drivers vague. Last but not the least, the constructure of the roads was unreasonable. The trafic lights are needed at any junctions.

　　It was the morning of April 6th, 2003. At about 7:30, I went to school by bike as usual. It was a rainy day and the road was slippery. On the way, I noticed a boy riding in front of me, talking loudly with his friends. He didn’t wear a raincoat; instead he held an umbrella in one hand, the rode with another hand. As he turned left to Guangming Road, he failed to see a car coming from behind a truck parked on the corner. Suddenly I heard a big noise and saw an umbrella thrown away. The boy was knocked down by the car. I was completely shocked.

　　I think the boy’s absent-mindedness accounted much for the accident. He was talking all the time and dangerously used an umbrella while riding a bike. The weather also played a role in the tragedy. The third cause was the unproperly parked truck, which was big enough to make the road conditions invisible to the students who were going to make a turn. All these contributed to the accident.

　　It was 8:00 this morning, I went on my way to school. When I just at the school gate, I saw the terrible traffic accident happened.

　　A student ride his bike in a high speed, and just when he arrived the school gate, a large truck traveled out of the gate and hit him down. He flied over 3m before his bike hit him on the ground, surely, the poor boy was hurt very bad.

　　I think there are two reasons for the accident. First, it was just the time we began our first class, the bike rider perhaps did not want to be late, he ride his bike so fast, even didn’t low down his speed at the gate. Second, the truck is too large, and at that time, there were too many people walk through the gate, so the bike driver have no other way to chose, but to ride in the middle of the road.

　　样卷定稿

　　A campaign speech

　　Thanks everybodies to give me a chance to elect the post of chairman of the student union. I’ll do my best in that post.

　　I will inform myself first. I am a man of hard-working. So I will do anything with my best. I can help everyone who needs help. I have a weid-eyesight. Using computer is my farveate thing. Above all, is the reason why I elected the post.

　　If I get the post, I’ll solve the problems of every students. First thing I think must solve is the price in the schools. It is too expensive to our student. Second, I think we must have more free time. Nowadays, too many course in our table. So we cannot do something which we want to do. I think it is bad. Last, I will orginaze more performances in school, in order to fill the best time.

　　I hope everyone give me a chance to acheve my hopes. Thanks!

　　Hello, everyone, I believe I am the best choice of the post of chairman of the student union.

　　First, I have the ability which is nessary to the post of chairman of the student union. I have been monitor of our class since I came to this school. In the past years, I worked very well on the post. Second, I have many interests. For example, I play basketball and football very well. My tennis is good too. Third, I have a lot of friends. Almost everyone likes me.

　　If I were chosen to be the chairman of the student union, I will work for the need of the students, I will tell the school what we students really need and what we don’t want.

　　I believe, I am the best choice for the post of chairman of student union. Thank you!

　　Ladies and Gentleman, all the schoolmates and teachers:

　　I will elect to the post of chairman of the students union. The reasons I make this decision is that I’m desire to do more things for you. Apparently, only wishes are not available. I’ll make you believe that not only did I have wished but also capacity.

　　First, when I was a freshman, I took part in many kinds of activities to accumulate experiences and now I familiar with the process that how the students union works. Second, I love making friends and I had extensively hobbies. These can make me orgernize people easily. The third, I take this work very sireously and I’ll try my best to improve and develop the students union to make you satisfied.

　　In a word, I’m the right person you have ever been searching. So, support me! I’ll never make you disappointed!

　　Dear fellow students,

　　I am grateful that you offer me the chance to speak here. I am impressed by the speeches of the previous candidates. Yet, I want to prove myself better for the post of chairman.

　　First of all, I have a pleasant personality. Last year I was the dorm director of our building and I managed to get along with all the students well. I have acquired working experience and communication skills which I consider as the most essential for the coordinator of the whole student union.

　　Secondly, I am always ready to create. At present our union is very well organized. However our activity schedule is slightly motonous. I am willing to add some vivid elements into it in order to make our campus life more enjoyable.

　　If I am elected the chairman, I promise I will become your voice and build the student union into a bridge between the student sand the university.

　　I am your best choice, vote for me, vote for yourself, thank you!

　　(说明： 所有样卷都是考生的实际作文卷，典型地反映了每一分数段的应有水平，其中的语言上的错误或不妥之处，包括语法、搭配、用词等，悉数保持原样。)

　　A. 主语

　　1. His father works in a factory.

　　2. Seeing a film is better than Listening to the radio.

　　(It’s no use telling him the news.)

　　3. To learn English well is not easy.

　　(It is not easy to learn English well.)

　　4. What he told me yesterday was to study harder.

　　5. When they will come hasn’t been decided.

　　6. That we need more money is quite obvious.

　　( It’s a pity that you have missed such a good film.)

　　B. 宾语

　　1. He bought some books yesterday.

　　2. Thank you for coming.

　　3. I’ll send him the book.

　　4. The news made him feel very sad.

　　5. I don’t know whether he’ll come or not.

　　6. Let’s see how we can do it.

　　C. 谓语

　　1. He wants to go to buy a ticket.

　　2. There are a lot of boys on the playground playing football.

　　3. He went out of the room quickly, followed by his dog.

　　4. After telling him the news. We began to eat the bananas served by his wife.

　　D.定语

　　1. The American teacher spoke so slowly that everyone in the class could follow him.

　　2. A man called Jack wrote this book.

　　3. The woman sitting there, watching TV, is our English teacher.

　　4. The meeting to be held next Monday will be important.

　　5. The only reason why he did it was that he needed money.

　　E.状语

　　1. I get up at 6:00 in the morning.

　　2. I was writing when he came in.

幽幽草

衔接和过渡

　　这是一个技术性的问题。有了好的思想，写出了没有语法错误的句子，是否意味着就是一篇好作文呢？恐怕未必。古人做文章讲究“起承转合”，英语作文也同样要注意句与句、段与段之间的过渡和粘连，只有那样才能使文章成为一个和谐的有机统一的整体。提高文章的连贯性，常用的方法有使用平行结构、重复单词或词组、用代词代替前文中的句子、保持名词/代词的数的一致和动词的时态的一致等等。注意下面这段文章中作者是如何综合运用这些手段的：

　　Americans are queer people: they can’t play. Americans rush to work as soon as they grow up. They want their work as soon as they wake. It is a stimulant—the only one they are not afraid of. They used to open their offices at ten o’clock; then at nine; then at eight; then at seven. Now they never shut them. Every business in America is turning into an open-all-day-and-night business. They eat all night, dance all night, make noise all night. They can’t play. They try to, but can’t. They turn football into a fight, baseball into a lawsuit, and yachting into machinery. They can’t play. The little children can’t play; they use mechanical toys instead—toy cranes, hoisting toy loads, toy machinery spreading a toy industrial depression of infantile dullness. The grownup people can’t play; they use a mechanical gymnasium and a clockwork horse. They can’t laugh; they hire a comedian and watch him laugh.

　　另一种做法是使用表示各种关系的承接词，下面列出一些常用的连接词和短语供大家参考，希望大家在平时的练习中有效地运用。

　　(1)空间段落展开

　　above before me before on the left

　　across from belowin the distance on the right

　　adjacent to beyondnearby opposite to

　　also further next to on top of

　　up downclose to beneath

　　under around near to over

　　(2)时间段落展开

　　first, second, etc.sooneventually

　　in the meantimethenuntil

　　at the same time nextthereafter

　　after a whilenow after

　　presentlylaterafterward

　　somewhat laterfinally at last

　　(3)分析段落展开

　　first, second, etc.nowfor this purpose

　　but as a resultfurthermore

　　finally at last moreover

　　also consequentlylikewise

　　anotherfor examplenext

　　yet for instanceon the contrary

　　once in additionin summary

　　such in this caseon the other hand

　　then otherwisein conclusion

　　thusto sum up therefore

　　(4)比较段落展开

　　another`furthermoremoreover

　　equally importanttoo, alsoat the same time

　　besidesthenaccordingly

　　in factin addition to like, likewise

　　similarlyjust as…so in much the same way

　　(5)对比段落展开

　　on the contrary different from / in contrast

　　on the other handin spite of / despite

　　yet, butwhereas

　　unlikenevertheless

　　not only…but alsohere…there

　　years ago…todaythis…that

　　the former…the latterthen…now

　　the first…whereas the secondsome…others

　　on the one hand…on the other once…now

幽幽草

从段到篇：四种体裁

　　掌握了前面八种段落展开的“天龙八部”，在面对任何级别的英语考试的作文时，相信大家都可以从容落笔，应付如裕。不过，大家仍然要谋篇布局，从篇章的角度对自己要写的内容作宏观的整体上的把握，这就要求大家区分各种体裁，以采用不同的方法去应对。英语文章的体裁可分为四类，即：

　　(1)记叙文(narration)

　　(2)描述文(description)

　　(3)说明文(exposition)

　　(4)议论文(argumentation)

　　和中文无异。限于篇幅，在此就不一一举例详细论述，只说一下写作要领。

　　先说记叙文。所谓narration就是叙述一件事或一连串事件，像四级曾经考过的A Morning Walk(晨间漫步)即是一例。在写这类作文时，要注意以下几点：首先，在一开始就要设定时间、地点、人物，一定要交代清楚；其次，在讲述发生的事件本身时，要选取一些关键的细节，不要漫无边际或不着边际，而组织那些素材一般采用“时间顺序”亦即先发生的先写，后发生的后写，或用倒叙法，先讲结局，再从头描述经过。另外，要注意人称、时代的一致性。

　　再看描述型文章。所谓description就是用文字对一个人、一个地方、一件物体或一个场景进行描绘。在描述自己的印象时，一定要尽量选取那些有助于表现人物、场景的典型特征和突出特点，剔除那些枝蔓的零碎的细节。只有这样，才能使所描述的内容呼之欲出、跃然纸上，具有极大的表现力。

　　再谈谈说明文。这是四级考试中出现最为频繁的体裁，无论是A or B、A and B，还是Why to do、How to do, 或是图表型作文，都可归入此类。如果说描述文主要涉及外表和感受，记叙文主要涉及事件和经历，那么说明文则主要是关于过程和关系。举例来说吧，我们面前有一件物体，如果要对其外观进行描写，我们就要写成描述型的作文，如果要解释它是如何制作的，又是如何使用的，那就必须写成说明文；我们可以讲述一个历史事件，到底发生了什么，何时何地发生，都有谁参与其中，那就是叙述，而要讨论该事件的前因后果，它的本质又是什么，以及在历史长河中的深远意义，那就必须写成说明文。前面所介绍的展开段落的方法，如分类法、定义法、比较和对比、举例法等等，大多数都可用于说明文的写作。

　　最后谈谈议论文。说明文是一种以阐释和解说为表达方式，用简洁、平实、通俗的语言，对事物的、事理的、人物的特性、情况、背景等所作的解释和介绍的文体，而议论文则是以议论为主要表达方式，以逻辑思维为主要思维方式，对现实生活中的现象和原理说长道短、论是斥非、阐明自己的立场和观点的一种文体，二者不可相混淆。说明是让人明白，而议论则要令人信服。论点要旗帜鲜明，论据要充分有力，论证要符合逻辑。就四级考试而言，真正意义上的议论文并不多见，即便是已经考过的议论文，如幸运数字、英语口试的必要性等，也较易处理，因此不再赘述。

　　需要强调的是，在四级考试中，往往是在同一篇文章中几种体裁兼而有之，大家不要拘泥于教条，如2003年6月的车祸见证书，记述、描写、说明三种体裁都有所照顾，目的是要检测同学们对于不同类型写作的把握，全面地考察写作教学的水平。